You cannot win. It is not because there is no competition, because sure as hell there is competition, and frankly very little else. It’s also not because the game is rigged; naturally it is rigged. But that is not why…
Category: Me time
Pausa or the lack of light at the end of the tunnel
It’s been a difficult couple of weeks. Weeks that had no right to be difficult, but ended up being so anyway. There is something reassuring in the busy, overworked periods of the academic semesters. Running from lecture rooms to Zoom…
Mend
Everybody wants something from you. The abstract desires and explicit wishes from those around us stretch us in all directions into a broken quilt. Tearing up at the seams. Those carefully sewn stitches protruding between the patches made to repair…
Second-hand:ing yourself
Out of town yet home, and my heart, body, brain, soul-drenched toast waffles of skin betray me in the subconscious convolutions of the dream space. Bittersweet delusions of that ridiculous outrage that leave me tingling and guilty and shamed and…
A box too small
Is it ever possible to bring to life a wet firecracker? Can damp and destroyed fireworks ever be ignited to perform with that explosive beauty? Life took me to many places. One thing I told myself many years ago was “always…
Academia is killing me…
… soon I’m pulling the plug or, I guess, it will be pulled for me. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Impoving one’s job situation in…
Choose your battles
The battery is on red. Beep. Beep. Beep. Warning: energy level low. All non-life-sustaining systems on standby. Blood flow, lung expansion decompression, synapses, heartbeat, beat, beat, be-at, be-aht, de-aht, de-daht, du-damt, du-dum, du-dum… Am I sick or just exhausted? Am…
I am only happy when it rains
I always wanted to be good at music. To be able to sing, carry a tune, play an intricate melody, to move someone with an expression without comparison. Music is a faster route to emotions than any other art. And…
Persistently pushing my shopping cart forward …
It’s been a strange week. Strange decade. Nothing new, nothing old. Just that familiar oddity of something missing. Like the inverse of a stone in my shoe, it wears me down. Slowly. Hello again, old friend. How’ve you been? I’m…
…and you’d better hold on tight, ’cause I like the sense of falling…
It materialises out of nowhere. For me, briefly in the beat of a particular song. Like the faintest scent fluttering in the air, it reminds me of who I am beneath all the covers: the unique vibration of my soul.…