The many souls of the lonely heart

Tucked into my small frame, rest the souls of many persons. I’ve been so many versions of myself throughout my life, and surely will be many more. Different desires, different lifestyle, different references. As the piece of another soul rattles inside, old versions stir as to remind me of the impermanence of my being.

I’m in back in Barcelona, back to visit and Bambi. Years have past from the person they knew and sitting alone in the sun I wonder who I was, and who I became. Which souls slumber on the inside and which soul awoke as the result of their completion? We never show ourselves fully to others, never know ourselves truly. Yet in the hesitation steming from familiar features in new constellations, I search their eyes for my own reflection. More as a confirmation of my existence throughout time than to know who I am to them.

I often say, people never truly change. I think it is true from the outsiders perspective. Ignorance from seeing things with our own point of view and prejudice. Perhaps we do this to ourselves just as badly. Offering the shadow of an explanation to the lingering of unsteady footing as souls on the inside are rejected by those who embrace the me today the most.

Looking at myself today, yesterday and and tomorrow, I see the same shell of a person. Largely the same complaints and confusions. Largely the same joys and pleasures. The same endless topic echoing in another blog post, simply clad in a new configuration. Physical features that faded, but whose characteristics enhanced none the less. And in so, I greet myself with different desires, different lifestyles and different references. In the souls surrendered on the inside, I see the construct of who I am today, the familiar I was yesterday and the stranger I will be tomorrow. Perhaps we are just shells with diminishing content as time bleaches our colours, flatten our structures, smooths our edges. Perhaps this is the goal. To be less and less something particular and more and more a bit of anything and everything…

…and for those who can, to love us despite ourselves.

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